And it hurts. Emotionally, physically, mentally. It just hurts and there isnt really anything that you can do about it. It’s like mental “rape”. You can self heal, meditate, yoga, counseling.. but nothing will take away that moment that it hits you that something is wrong and you can’t fix it or get away from it because something happened that took a part of you that you’ll never get back. You just have to let it pass. Accept the moment and tell yourself that it won’t last forever. It’s over. It didn’t last forever. Sometimes, we don’t even know why we are upset or something tiny can cause a chain reaction of emotions that create a hurricane inside your mind and you can’t protect yourself from the damage. The worst part of it is that it can develop or come from ANYTHING negative and there is no face attached to it. Anybody can be suffering and you wouldn’t even know. Its different from depression because you can be really happy or really feeling good and then out of nowhere one thing happens that triggers a memory that makes everything in THIS PRESENT MOMENT feel like youre back in hell of that moment that broke you. You don’t know what to do if you don’t know what to do because your mind will literally tell you that everything will just make things worse or you can’t trust people or they won’t allow you to FEEL. Some people in life really stop others from being emotional and allowing their emotions to pass through. Like, its the worst being around someone that you are supposed to be close to, but you can’t talk to them about your feelings because they undercut how you say you feel or they minimize the fact that youre hurting as though you’re cowering under weakness and admitting some sort of defeat. OKAY AND???!!! YES! In that moment, we do feel defeated!! we do feel weak and we do need a shoulder!! Somebody to just be there and listen and at least pretend to understand that this is not a cry for attention but an open wound that will never heal. Then you go into a battle with yourself because a part of you knows that this is just a branded imprint on your mind and you try to come out of it by telling yourself that its nothing wrong NOW, everything is okay NOW, no one can hurt you NOW, its over NOW, nothing is in your way NOW, or anything to make it go away. Most times, youre not even thinking. You just FEEL IT. That trigger has long passed, but you’re still stuck because you feel like shit and you just have to sit and wait until you don’t feel like shit anymore. You don’t understand yourself because you know that youre okay, but you’re not okay because whats taking place inside your field of energy. What we fail to realize in the heat of the moment is that our energy doesnt exist in “time” and we could be feeling overwhelmed by sometime that hasn’t even happened yet, and all our little minds have is the ability to tie it to anything traumatic that isnt comfortable. It may not even be a bad something, but any anxious feelings can be perceived as negative when you don’t know where they are coming from. No two people are the same, so I can’t even suggest anything to the next person on how to help their PTSD because our causes aren’t the same and our triggers won’t be the same. There can be a build up of trauma that is bubbling and multiple sources! But what I can do is tell you that you are not alone. I understand. I am there with you. We will be okay. Just keep going;
*p.s. I wrote this DURING an “attack”, so thats why its so short and may even be confusing.. and the picture is a vague-surface level visual of what it feels like, to me, to be under an attack from PTSD. If you dont understand AWESOME, hopefully, you’ll never get to or have to. If you do, please dont give up on yourself, its a phase, and you are okay. WE are okay.